Wenn man als Informatiker arbeitet, wird man ziemlich oft belogen.Vor allem, wenn man im Agenturumfeld tätig ist. Dann steht nämlich regelmässig ein Nicht-Informatiker am eigenen Schreibtisch und verwendet für seine Gesprächseinleitung eine Phrase, die in den allermeisten Fällen nichts Gutes verheisst. Sie lautet:
„Kurze Frage …“
Anschliessend folgt dann – nach einer Kunstpause – alles andere als eine kurze Frage. Oder die Frage ist zwar wirklich kurz, aber die angerissene Thematik so komplex, dass zumindest die Antwort recht lang auszufallen hat.
Damit alle wissen, worüber wir nicht reden, sind hier einfach mal drei Beispiele für wirklich kurze Fragen – zum Ausschneiden und Sammeln:
- „Wie geht’s?“
- „Auch da?“
- „Noch’n Bier?“
So möchte ich am liebsten jedes Mal gucken, wenn jemand sein Gespräch mit „Kurze Frage …“ eröffnet. Naja, vielleicht ohne den Helm und die Wollmütze.
Alles, was darüber hinausgeht, ist eine normallange Frage – oder zumindest keine kurze Frage mehr. Ein gutes Anzeichen für eine nicht-kurze Frage ist, wenn diese einen Nebensatz oder ein Komma enthält (bzw. enthalten müsste, denn Kommas setzen die ganzen Internet-Legastheniker ja nicht mehr).
Seien wir ehrlich – es ist ja auch egal, wie kurz die Frage ist. Mit der Einleitung wollt ihr uns täuschen und so tun, als sei die ganze Angelegenheit schnell aus dem Weg zu räumen. Ihr wollt uns vormachen, dass alles innerhalb 30 Sekunden er- und geklärt ist und die Welt sich dann einfach weiterdrehen kann. Ach, wenn die Welt der Maschinen und Codes doch heute schon so einfach wäre!
Tatsächlich ist es aber so: Ihr wollt gar keine kurze Frage stellen, sondern eine kurze Antwort bekommen. Maximal einen Satz (aka 140 Twitter-Zeichen) darf sie lang sein, denn sonst müsstet ihr euch ja mehr als eine Minute mit einer Thematik befassen, die jene digitale Welt betrifft, die ihr als „digitale Profis“ angeblich mitgestaltet. Wo sollt ihr die Zeit dafür hernehmen? Ihr müsst doch die neuesten Youtube-Videos, Handys und Trends googeln und vor allem letzteres ungefiltert retweeten.
Wie sähe der Dialog also idealerweise aus, den ihr mit „Kurze Frage“ einleitet? In der Vorstellung von Nicht-Informatikern ungefähr so:
„Kurze Frage: Mein Internet ist kaputt.“
– „Warte, ich lass gleich alles stehen und liegen, komme mit und repariere es für dich.“
„Mama, kurze Frage …“
Wer würde dir zumuten wollen, dass du „dein Internet“ und wie es funktioniert auch nur einen Moment zu verstehen versuchen würdest? Du tingelst doch nur täglich mehrere Stunden darin herum. Vollkommen unnötig also, die grundsätzlichen Funktionsweisen zu erlernen oder auch nur zu verstehen, dass es „dein Internet“ gar nicht gibt (höchstens: „deinen Internetanschluss“). Oder hast du dir wirklich dein eigenes „weltweites Rechnernetzwerk“ aufgebaut? Wenn ja – Respekt. Vor allem vor dem Hintergrund, dass du sonst mit jedem noch so popeligen IT-Problem zu mir kommst.
Übrigens, auch ein beliebter kleiner, aber feiner Satz in Aufträgen an Informatiker:
„Das ist doch einfach und geht schnell.“
Das ist immer wieder eine interessante Voranalyse. Vor allem, wenn man mit einrechnet, dass du selbst noch nie ein einziges IT-Problem gelöst geschweige denn eine Zeile Code programmiert hast. Woher nimmst du deine Einschätzung über den zu erwartenden Aufwand?
Aber solche „Bevormundung“ erlaubt man sich immer nur mit uns Informatikern: „Das geht doch schnell.“ Dieselben Leute sagen wahrscheinlich nie zu ihrem Automechaniker: „Da kommt Rauch aus dem Motorraum – das lässt sich doch sicher schnell reparieren.“ Und sicher sitzen diese Menschen (BWL- oder Marketing-Studenten der Generation Y) auch nicht bei ihrem Arzt im Behandlungszimmer und eröffnen das Gespräch mit: „Also, mein Knie bewegt sich gar nicht mehr. Aber das haben Sie sicher schnell geregelt.“
Vielleicht liegt’s daran, dass Probleme im IT-Bereich meist so unspektakulär aussehen: kein Rauch, kein Quietschen, kein Feuer, keine körperlichen Schmerzen. Kann ja also auch nicht so schwer zu beheben sein. Zumal die Informatiker doch alle vor diesen Computern sitzen, die jeden Befehl in Sekundenschnelle ausführen.
Da muss ich dich enttäuschen: So lange es noch keine wirkliche künstliche Intelligenz gibt, müssen die Probleme noch immer in den Köpfen der Spezialisten gelöst werden. Die Rechner sind nur Werkzeuge, die Fehler schneller darstellen, als es früher ohne sie gegangen wäre. Lösungen bieten sie meist nicht an – diese Zicken!
Das Pendant dazu in meinem Beruf: Kann ich schnell eine Headline haben? Sind nur wenig Buchstaben. (Leider ist der Aufwand für wenige Buchstaben umgekehrt proportional zum Aufwand für viele Buchstaben. Aber mit Mathe hamses heute nich mehr so.)
Aber Texten geht ja auch schnell. Du hast doch Word – das macht doch alles von alleine!
🙂
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